while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
