I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
