I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
