I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
