shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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