Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was so not down for the gang bang
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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