I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
