The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
