dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dear god my vagina.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
