the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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