just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
