At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize