I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
