I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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