he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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