I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
