just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
