the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
