Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
