how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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