On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
