Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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