The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't put those talents on a resume
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
