I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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