I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
