alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
