Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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