What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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