Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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