I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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