I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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