I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
