I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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