did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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