She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
