Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
