If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize