then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.