Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize