I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just high enough for therapy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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