6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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