duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
