you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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