Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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