Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
