omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
