bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
