I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
