the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
