He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize