i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
