please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
