my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
