She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
