nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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