i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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