Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
